Taco's Rule, Subtle Edit

“Ah, I’ve got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day.” Dave was feeling pretty good about himself as he woke up that morning. As he got out of bed and stretched his arms, he felt a slight rumble in his belly. He was craving a taco. He headed over to the taco stand. “I’ll have the El Grande Supreme.” Said Dave. “Okay, here you go.” The dirty-looking cashier quickly placed a taco on the counter. “Whoa, that was fast. Here’s your mon-” Dave had barely taken his money out of his wallet when a helicopter appeared, hovering over the taco stand. “Give yourself up El Loco Hombre!” The voice was coming from the helicopter. “You will never catch me!” The cashier proceeded to flash some obscene gestures and throw a chair at the helicopter. He jumped over the counter and ran away. “El Loco Hombre is right.” Thought Dave. The men from the helicopter ran over to him and grabbed him. “Hey, what are you-” tazed… Sucks. He woke up with a bright light shining in his face. A voice over an intercom began talking to him. “Answer the questions clearly and quickly, please.”“Questions? Why?” Dave was confused, scared, and hungry. He patted himself all over. Where was his taco? There it was in his pocket. “Silence! And stop patting yourself. It’s weird. Question one: where is the jawbreaker?”“What jawbreaker?”“You know, it’s blue, rock solid, fits in your hand, about the size of a baseball.”“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Replied a very confused Dave. The voice over the intercom whispered to itself, “Oh, he’s good. Okay, next question, how many fingers am I holding up?” Dave was getting annoyed. “How the heck how am I supposed to know?!”“You’re really good.” Replied the voice over the intercom. “Final question: who are you voting for, McCain or Obama?”“I’m not old enough to vote. Now, do I get to leave?”“You’ve passed the test. Welcome to the team.” As the voice said the last word, Dave fell through a trap door in the floor. “AAAAAAGH-oof!” He hit the ground. Hard. When he woke up, he was in a jeep and dressed in S.W.A.T. gear. Super Walrus Armor Thing. Nonsense. “Now your mission is to stop the pink resistance leader.” The guy driving the jeep was talking about some mission. “You’ll know which one he is.” Dave was rushed out of the jeep with a team of about three other guys. “Let’s move! We have to find that resistance leader. When you find him, beat him senseless with your S.W.A.T. saber.”“Um, all I have is this giant candy cane.” Dave held up his giant treat. “That’s what I’m talking about soldier. Now move out!” The other soldiers ran into three different directions. They all fell into bottomless pits. Losers. Dave was standing alone now. When he looked around he noticed that he was in a meadow. In the middle of that meadow was a large group of pigs. Talking pigs. Weird. However, they seemed to be speaking a language other than English. One stood in the center of them. He seemed to be the focus of attention. “Je suis Napoleon!” Dave understood that. “Wait a minute! Is this supposed to be the French Revolution, except with pigs? I hate the French Revolution! I failed that test!” The pig named Napoleon continued to preach, while the other pigs began shouting, “Vive la revolution!” At that moment, two other pigs approached the group. One looked mean and the other one was super mondo fat, even for a pig. The mean one began to speak. “Hold your Boxers (horses)! I’m the real Napoleon! Seize him!” As he shouted his command, a group of vicious dogs attacked the first Napoleon. They ripped him to shreds. “This is what happens when you cross Comrade Napoleon.” The fat one began to rant on about hard work, a windmill and some guy named Mr. Jones. Then things got really weird. Abraham Lincoln showed up and began to speak, “Four score and seven years ago… I opened up a can of beat down on some communist pigs!” Then he ripped off his shirt to reveal his stupendously awesome muscles. Dave did not understand a thing that was happening. All of a sudden a voice in slow motion said, “Tay-se-ta, th-a, ray-ne-bow!” Skittles started raining from the sky. “Nothing is making any sense.” Said Dave as he scratched his head. It was oddly smooth. He looked at his hands. He was made out of glass. Then a cartoon rabbit appeared with a mallet and said, “Ain’t I a stinker?”“Hey it’s Bugs Bunny!” exclaimed Dave. “Actually, I’m Insectz Bunny, his cousin.” With that he swung his mallet. Dave broke into a million pieces. Crash! He woke up. “Ok, time is up. Put your pencils down. The test over.” His teacher was speaking. Dave looked at his paper. Blank. “By the way, this is the most important test of your life. Oh yeah, no retakes.” Sucks for Dave. Wait, he felt something warm in his pocket. Hey, he still had the taco! Not for long though. “Yoink!” El Loco Hombre had returned and he took his taco back. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”