The Fatarellis

Hi, my name is John. Of course, you probably can’t see me right now. It’s always been that way… Any picture that’s ever been taken me always shows me behind someone. I never showed up in my school yearbooks and somehow lazy, no-good, never-work Dave is always in front of me in MY employee of the month photos. But no biggie, it’s just MY accomplishment, it’s not like I had to work hard or anything. Anyway, here I am again, stuck behind somebody or rather stuck behind somebody’s rather BIG behind.
I wanted my face to be in this picture, but yet again I managed to find the worst seat in the house, right behind Micky D’s number one customers, the Fatarelli’s. They need to eat a salad or something and stop munching on them apple pies and number fives. Old thick neck father Fatarelli is up to it again, stuffing his face with sweets and gulping down a large soda. With guys like him running our families, it’s no wonder that America is getting fat. When I first came in this place, I half expected him to say “Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!” Looking like Chris Cringle with a belly full chocolate chip cookies. I really wish he was Santa Clause because my Christmas gift would be for him to move his fat tail up out of my picture. And I can’t believe the hat he has on. Does he think he’s cool or something, Larry the Cable Guy wanna-be…
The rest of his family is no better than he is. His wife looks like Paula Dean with an extra scoop of butter and she’s really mean. I was ahead of her in line and she had the nerve to tell me that if I kept ordering food like that, I was going to get fat. How is she going to tell me what to eat? She need to stop eating that custard because she’s starting to look like the fifth Telly-Tubby. And the kid… Could anyone else eat so noisily?
Geez, I sure did get a rotten deal, stuck behind big papa Fatarelli. It’s not fair I tell you, I have this dashingly charming good looks and he gets to hog my spot light. He’s worse than Dave, that jerk. I never get a piece of the action, at work, at school and now at my favorite restaurant. It’s some sort of cruel joke. To be stuck behind the Fatarellis, you wouldn’t believe it.