Dear Barack Obama,
Congratulations on becoming the 44th president of the United States. It must have been a truly difficult journey. However, your journey is nowhere near the end. In fact, it is just beginning. Many people have a great amount of expectations for you, our new president. There are many issues that the citizens of the United States want you to focus on. Some want you to focus on Iraq, some aren’t satisfied with the current state of the economy and there are many more who want you to focus on entirely different issues. I am sorry to say that I have an issue for you to focus on as well. However, this is not a conventional issue. I don’t have any requests concerning education, health care, the economy or Iraq. The issue that I would like you to focus on is the matter of your success.
By becoming the first African-American president, you have changed history. You have disproved a lot of negative beliefs about African-Americans. I feel proud to know that it is possible for anyone of my race to achieve such a great position. I am deeply honored to have seen such an occasion in my life time. However, I know that I don’t want that to be the only reason why we should remember you. There have been many presidents and not all of them have been memorable. To this day, people do not speak of Martin Van Buren, the 8th president. On the other hand, people will always remember the 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, not because of his origin, his family or his race, but because of his actions. I want to be able to remember you because you were a great president. People shouldn’t remember you just because the 43 presidents that came before you were not African-Americans, they should remember you for what you did.
It seems that it would be difficult enough to be president, let alone the first African-American president. You have my full support and the support of many others as well. I hope that you make as many people as possible happy. Try to deal with the issues as best you can. Never give up and keep going forward. You have come into office at a difficult time, so I won’t try to push you and I pray that no one else does either. That is why I only want you to succeed.
Your success would do more than prove your worth as a president. It would send a strong message to so many people. You are, and I hope you will continue to be, a powerful source of inspiration to so many people. You have shown them that background does not determine where we go in life. Now, we can be sure that anyone can become anything, if they try.
Good luck Mr. Obama. Many are watching and many are waiting, there are problems that need solving and I know that you have the answers. Keep pushing forward, do your best and I’m sure that you will become one of the best presidents that this country has ever seen.
Wishing you the best of luck
- Omar Winstead
Monday, January 26, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Message to Barack Obama
Dear Barack Obama,
I think that you will make a great president. Personally, I don’t have any particular issues that I think should be focused on. I believe that no matter what the issue is, that you will handle it well enough to please as many people as possible. The only thing that is important to me is that you succeed as a president. I find it amazing that you are the first African-American president in the history of the United States. As an African-American, I feel that you have disproved a lot of negative beliefs about African-Americans and I believe that you will continue to do so. I cannot imagine how taxing it must be to change history in such a drastic, being president obviously requires a lot of work in itself. Therefore, my only hope for you, is that you try your best to manage this country. Thank you.
Signed,
Omar Winstead
I think that you will make a great president. Personally, I don’t have any particular issues that I think should be focused on. I believe that no matter what the issue is, that you will handle it well enough to please as many people as possible. The only thing that is important to me is that you succeed as a president. I find it amazing that you are the first African-American president in the history of the United States. As an African-American, I feel that you have disproved a lot of negative beliefs about African-Americans and I believe that you will continue to do so. I cannot imagine how taxing it must be to change history in such a drastic, being president obviously requires a lot of work in itself. Therefore, my only hope for you, is that you try your best to manage this country. Thank you.
Signed,
Omar Winstead
Monday, December 1, 2008
Peace, Draft 2
“Peace? What about peace?” Thought Oake. It meant nothing to him. He grew up in a world without peace.
“Peace is very important Oake.” Eavy’s voice echoed through his head.
“Peace, huh? I wouldn’t know anything about it. No one around here knows anything about peace.” Eavy was Oake’s older sister and she had died in the conflict between Oake’s clan, the Shattered Leaf, and their rivals, the Twisted Vine. Ever since Oake was born, they had been fighting. Now, Oake was all alone. His older sister became his caretaker when his parents died. His father died in a battle with the Twisted Vine village and his mother died from an illness when he was about 5 solar rounds. There was no one now.
“Peace, I don’t care about no stinking peace. I hope those Twisted Vine scum die!” He began to cry. “I-I don’t care about anything!” Overwhelmed by his sorrow, he fell into a deep sleep. He awoke to the sight of a girl around his age, 13 solar rounds, and found himself startled. “AAGH!” She giggled at his surprise. “Don’t laugh at me!” He yelled back.
“I’m not laughing at you silly. I’m laughing with you.” She giggled some more.
“Well, I’m not laughing.” Oake wasn’t in the mood to laugh, smile, or giggle.
“That’s not good, laughing makes you healthy.” She smiled at him. Even though Oake wasn’t in the mood to laugh or even smile, being with her made him feel better. “My name’s Alaquiane, what’s yours?”
“Oake.” A simple reply.
“Well, Oake, it was nice to meet you. I have to go now. These apples are driving me crazy.” Just then, Oake noticed the basket of apples she had in her hand. His stomach started to growl. “Oh my. You sound hungry. Here you go.” She kindly handed him an apple and then she walked away. Oake was alone again.
“Well, I shouldn’t just sit around waiting for something to happen.” He took a large bite from his apple and went about his (not so) merry way. Along the way, he came across two squirrels fighting over an acorn. One bit here, the other scratched there. Oake decided to break it up. After the squirrels had calmed down, he handed each of them an acorn.
“You two shouldn’t fight over one acorn. There are plenty to go around. One guppy in a lake full of trout isn’t worth drowning over.” After helping those two squirrels, Oake went about his (a little bit more) merry way. He kept walking through the forest until he came upon two foxes competing to reach the last apple on an apple tree. Neither could reach it and whenever one of them tried, the other would push them out of the way. Oake pulled them apart and told them that the only way they way would get it would be to work together. Inspired by his words, one fox climbed on the back of the other and they managed to get the apple. Oake took the apple and cut it in two. He handed a piece to each of them.
“A fraction of the work for half of the reward is better than twice the hassle for none of the prize.” Then, yet again Oake was on his (increasingly) merry way. As he continued to wander through the forest, he came across two little boys fighting over a toy.
“I want to play with it!” yelled one child, as he tugged.
“No, it’s mine!” yelled the other, as he tugged even harder. Unable to endure the struggle, a piece of the toy broke off. Heartbroken, the two youths fell to the ground crying. Oake rushed over to the two children and repaired their broken toy.
“Share your things young ones. Fighting over something is pointless, especially when you destroy what you desire in the process.” After helping those two children, Oake went about his very merry way. He continued to wander through the woods till he reached his village. He could hear fighting. When he went to see what was happening, he saw a girl about his age caught in a mob of angry villagers. A basket and a bundle of apples lay on the ground.
“Alaquiane!” Oake rushed to the middle of the mob and shielded her from the villagers. “Why are you hurting her?” asked a frustrated Oake.
“She’s from the Twisted Vine village!!!” replied the angry mob. Indeed, she was. Her father and her mother had died in a battle between the two rivaling clans and she was sent to stay with her uncle in the Shattered Leaf village. Unfortunately, he died as well and she continued to stay in his house, despite constant threats from the villagers.
“You idiots!!!” Infuriated, Oake began to berate their actions. “I’ve learned a lot through the many conflicts that I and many others have endured. It’s not worth anything to be in a constant state of conflict. Many have died due to our constant warring. Every single one of them died for nothing. We can’t let something so foolish destroy us. We must have peace.” Inspired by his encounters with the squirrels, the foxes and the little boys, Oake preached to his fellow villagers. He realized that peace really was important. In turn, the villagers were inspired by his words and they decided to make peace with the villagers of the Twisted Vine. They got along well and everyone lived happily ever after, especially Oake and Alaquiane.
“Peace is very important Oake.” Eavy’s voice echoed through his head.
“Peace, huh? I wouldn’t know anything about it. No one around here knows anything about peace.” Eavy was Oake’s older sister and she had died in the conflict between Oake’s clan, the Shattered Leaf, and their rivals, the Twisted Vine. Ever since Oake was born, they had been fighting. Now, Oake was all alone. His older sister became his caretaker when his parents died. His father died in a battle with the Twisted Vine village and his mother died from an illness when he was about 5 solar rounds. There was no one now.
“Peace, I don’t care about no stinking peace. I hope those Twisted Vine scum die!” He began to cry. “I-I don’t care about anything!” Overwhelmed by his sorrow, he fell into a deep sleep. He awoke to the sight of a girl around his age, 13 solar rounds, and found himself startled. “AAGH!” She giggled at his surprise. “Don’t laugh at me!” He yelled back.
“I’m not laughing at you silly. I’m laughing with you.” She giggled some more.
“Well, I’m not laughing.” Oake wasn’t in the mood to laugh, smile, or giggle.
“That’s not good, laughing makes you healthy.” She smiled at him. Even though Oake wasn’t in the mood to laugh or even smile, being with her made him feel better. “My name’s Alaquiane, what’s yours?”
“Oake.” A simple reply.
“Well, Oake, it was nice to meet you. I have to go now. These apples are driving me crazy.” Just then, Oake noticed the basket of apples she had in her hand. His stomach started to growl. “Oh my. You sound hungry. Here you go.” She kindly handed him an apple and then she walked away. Oake was alone again.
“Well, I shouldn’t just sit around waiting for something to happen.” He took a large bite from his apple and went about his (not so) merry way. Along the way, he came across two squirrels fighting over an acorn. One bit here, the other scratched there. Oake decided to break it up. After the squirrels had calmed down, he handed each of them an acorn.
“You two shouldn’t fight over one acorn. There are plenty to go around. One guppy in a lake full of trout isn’t worth drowning over.” After helping those two squirrels, Oake went about his (a little bit more) merry way. He kept walking through the forest until he came upon two foxes competing to reach the last apple on an apple tree. Neither could reach it and whenever one of them tried, the other would push them out of the way. Oake pulled them apart and told them that the only way they way would get it would be to work together. Inspired by his words, one fox climbed on the back of the other and they managed to get the apple. Oake took the apple and cut it in two. He handed a piece to each of them.
“A fraction of the work for half of the reward is better than twice the hassle for none of the prize.” Then, yet again Oake was on his (increasingly) merry way. As he continued to wander through the forest, he came across two little boys fighting over a toy.
“I want to play with it!” yelled one child, as he tugged.
“No, it’s mine!” yelled the other, as he tugged even harder. Unable to endure the struggle, a piece of the toy broke off. Heartbroken, the two youths fell to the ground crying. Oake rushed over to the two children and repaired their broken toy.
“Share your things young ones. Fighting over something is pointless, especially when you destroy what you desire in the process.” After helping those two children, Oake went about his very merry way. He continued to wander through the woods till he reached his village. He could hear fighting. When he went to see what was happening, he saw a girl about his age caught in a mob of angry villagers. A basket and a bundle of apples lay on the ground.
“Alaquiane!” Oake rushed to the middle of the mob and shielded her from the villagers. “Why are you hurting her?” asked a frustrated Oake.
“She’s from the Twisted Vine village!!!” replied the angry mob. Indeed, she was. Her father and her mother had died in a battle between the two rivaling clans and she was sent to stay with her uncle in the Shattered Leaf village. Unfortunately, he died as well and she continued to stay in his house, despite constant threats from the villagers.
“You idiots!!!” Infuriated, Oake began to berate their actions. “I’ve learned a lot through the many conflicts that I and many others have endured. It’s not worth anything to be in a constant state of conflict. Many have died due to our constant warring. Every single one of them died for nothing. We can’t let something so foolish destroy us. We must have peace.” Inspired by his encounters with the squirrels, the foxes and the little boys, Oake preached to his fellow villagers. He realized that peace really was important. In turn, the villagers were inspired by his words and they decided to make peace with the villagers of the Twisted Vine. They got along well and everyone lived happily ever after, especially Oake and Alaquiane.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Shattered Leaves and Twisted Vines
“Peace? What about peace?” Thought Oake. It had no meaning to him. He grew up in a world without peace.
“Peace is very important Oake.” Eavy’s voice was echoing through his head.
“Peace, huh? I wouldn’t know anything about it. No one around here knows anything about peace.” Eavy was Oake’s older sister and she had died in the conflict between Oake’s clan, the Shattered Leaf, and their rivals, the Twisted Vine. Ever since Oake was born, they had been fighting. Now, Oake was left all alone. His older sister was left in charge of him when his parents died. His father had died in a battle with the Twisted Vine village and his mother died from an illness when he was about 5 solar rounds. He had no one now.
“Peace, I don’t care about no stinking peace. I hope those Twisted Vine scum die!” He began to cry. “I-I don’t care about anything!” Overwhelmed by his sorrow, he fell into a deep sleep. He awoke to the sight of a girl around his age, 13 solar rounds, and found himself startled. “AAGH!” She giggled at his surprise. “Don’t laugh at me!” He yelled back.
“I’m not laughing at you silly. I’m laughing with you.” She giggled some more.
“Well, I’m not laughing.” Oake wasn’t in the mood to laugh, smile, or giggle.
“That’s not good, laughing makes you healthy.” She smiled at him. Even though Oake wasn’t in the mood to laugh or even smile, being with her made him feel better. “My name’s Alaquiane, what’s yours?”
“Oake.” A simple reply.
“Well, Oake, it was nice to meet you. I have to go now. These apples are driving me crazy.” Just then, Oake noticed the basket of apples she had in her hand. His stomach started to growl. “Oh my. You sound hungry. Here you go.” She kindly handed him an apple and then she walked away. Oake was alone again.
“Well, I shouldn’t just sit around waiting for something to happen.” He took a large bite from his apple and went about his (not so) merry way. Along the way, he came across two squirrels fighting over an acorn. One bit here, the other scratched there. Oake decided to break it up. After the squirrels had calmed down, he handed each of them an acorn.
“You two shouldn’t fight over one acorn. There are plenty to go around. In the end, you both get hurt over something small and trivial. One guppy in a lake full of trout isn’t worth drowning over.” After helping those two squirrels, Oake went about his (a little bit more) merry way. He kept walking through the forest until he came upon two foxes competing to reach the last apple on an apple tree. Neither could reach it and whenever one of them tried, the other would push them out of the way. Oake pulled them apart and told them that the only way they way would get it would be to work together. Inspired by his words, one fox climbed on the back of the other and they managed to get the apple. Oake took the apple and cut it in two. He handed a piece to each of them.
“A fraction of the work for half of the reward is better than twice the hassle for none of the prize.” Then, yet again Oake was on his (increasingly) merry way. As he continued to wander through the forest, he came across two little boys fighting over a toy.
“I want to play with it!” yelled one child, as he tugged.
“No, it’s mine!” yelled the other, as he tugged even harder. Unable to endure the struggle, a piece of the toy broke off. Heartbroken, the two youths fell to the ground crying. Oake rushed over to the two children and repaired their broken toy.
“Share your things young ones. Fighting over something is pointless, especially when you destroy what you desire in the process.” After helping those two children, Oake went about his very merry way. He continued to wander through the woods till he reached his village. He could hear fighting. When he went to see what was happening, he saw a girl about his age caught in a mob of angry villagers. A basket and a bundle of apples lay on the ground.
“Alaquiane!” Oake rushed to the middle of the mob and shielded her from the villagers. “Why are you hurting her?” asked a frustrated Oake.
“She’s from the Twisted Vine village!!!” replied the angry mob. Indeed, she was. Her father and her mother had died in a battle between the two rivaling clans and she was sent to stay with her uncle in the Shattered Leaf village. Unfortunately, he died as well and she continued to stay in his house, despite constant threats from the villagers.
“You idiots!!!” Infuriated, Oake began to berate their actions. “I’ve realized something recently. Fighting leads to nowhere. Only through peace, can anything be achieved.” Inspired by his encounters with the squirrels, the foxes and the little boys, Oake preached to his fellow villagers. He realized that peace really was important. In turn, the villagers were inspired by his words and they decided to make peace with the villagers of the Twisted Vine. They got along well and everyone lived happily ever after, especially Oake and Alaquiane.
“Peace is very important Oake.” Eavy’s voice was echoing through his head.
“Peace, huh? I wouldn’t know anything about it. No one around here knows anything about peace.” Eavy was Oake’s older sister and she had died in the conflict between Oake’s clan, the Shattered Leaf, and their rivals, the Twisted Vine. Ever since Oake was born, they had been fighting. Now, Oake was left all alone. His older sister was left in charge of him when his parents died. His father had died in a battle with the Twisted Vine village and his mother died from an illness when he was about 5 solar rounds. He had no one now.
“Peace, I don’t care about no stinking peace. I hope those Twisted Vine scum die!” He began to cry. “I-I don’t care about anything!” Overwhelmed by his sorrow, he fell into a deep sleep. He awoke to the sight of a girl around his age, 13 solar rounds, and found himself startled. “AAGH!” She giggled at his surprise. “Don’t laugh at me!” He yelled back.
“I’m not laughing at you silly. I’m laughing with you.” She giggled some more.
“Well, I’m not laughing.” Oake wasn’t in the mood to laugh, smile, or giggle.
“That’s not good, laughing makes you healthy.” She smiled at him. Even though Oake wasn’t in the mood to laugh or even smile, being with her made him feel better. “My name’s Alaquiane, what’s yours?”
“Oake.” A simple reply.
“Well, Oake, it was nice to meet you. I have to go now. These apples are driving me crazy.” Just then, Oake noticed the basket of apples she had in her hand. His stomach started to growl. “Oh my. You sound hungry. Here you go.” She kindly handed him an apple and then she walked away. Oake was alone again.
“Well, I shouldn’t just sit around waiting for something to happen.” He took a large bite from his apple and went about his (not so) merry way. Along the way, he came across two squirrels fighting over an acorn. One bit here, the other scratched there. Oake decided to break it up. After the squirrels had calmed down, he handed each of them an acorn.
“You two shouldn’t fight over one acorn. There are plenty to go around. In the end, you both get hurt over something small and trivial. One guppy in a lake full of trout isn’t worth drowning over.” After helping those two squirrels, Oake went about his (a little bit more) merry way. He kept walking through the forest until he came upon two foxes competing to reach the last apple on an apple tree. Neither could reach it and whenever one of them tried, the other would push them out of the way. Oake pulled them apart and told them that the only way they way would get it would be to work together. Inspired by his words, one fox climbed on the back of the other and they managed to get the apple. Oake took the apple and cut it in two. He handed a piece to each of them.
“A fraction of the work for half of the reward is better than twice the hassle for none of the prize.” Then, yet again Oake was on his (increasingly) merry way. As he continued to wander through the forest, he came across two little boys fighting over a toy.
“I want to play with it!” yelled one child, as he tugged.
“No, it’s mine!” yelled the other, as he tugged even harder. Unable to endure the struggle, a piece of the toy broke off. Heartbroken, the two youths fell to the ground crying. Oake rushed over to the two children and repaired their broken toy.
“Share your things young ones. Fighting over something is pointless, especially when you destroy what you desire in the process.” After helping those two children, Oake went about his very merry way. He continued to wander through the woods till he reached his village. He could hear fighting. When he went to see what was happening, he saw a girl about his age caught in a mob of angry villagers. A basket and a bundle of apples lay on the ground.
“Alaquiane!” Oake rushed to the middle of the mob and shielded her from the villagers. “Why are you hurting her?” asked a frustrated Oake.
“She’s from the Twisted Vine village!!!” replied the angry mob. Indeed, she was. Her father and her mother had died in a battle between the two rivaling clans and she was sent to stay with her uncle in the Shattered Leaf village. Unfortunately, he died as well and she continued to stay in his house, despite constant threats from the villagers.
“You idiots!!!” Infuriated, Oake began to berate their actions. “I’ve realized something recently. Fighting leads to nowhere. Only through peace, can anything be achieved.” Inspired by his encounters with the squirrels, the foxes and the little boys, Oake preached to his fellow villagers. He realized that peace really was important. In turn, the villagers were inspired by his words and they decided to make peace with the villagers of the Twisted Vine. They got along well and everyone lived happily ever after, especially Oake and Alaquiane.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Taco's Rule, Subtle Edit
“Ah, I’ve got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day.” Dave was feeling pretty good about himself as he woke up that morning. As he got out of bed and stretched his arms, he felt a slight rumble in his belly. He was craving a taco. He headed over to the taco stand. “I’ll have the El Grande Supreme.” Said Dave. “Okay, here you go.” The dirty-looking cashier quickly placed a taco on the counter. “Whoa, that was fast. Here’s your mon-” Dave had barely taken his money out of his wallet when a helicopter appeared, hovering over the taco stand. “Give yourself up El Loco Hombre!” The voice was coming from the helicopter. “You will never catch me!” The cashier proceeded to flash some obscene gestures and throw a chair at the helicopter. He jumped over the counter and ran away. “El Loco Hombre is right.” Thought Dave. The men from the helicopter ran over to him and grabbed him. “Hey, what are you-” tazed… Sucks. He woke up with a bright light shining in his face. A voice over an intercom began talking to him. “Answer the questions clearly and quickly, please.”“Questions? Why?” Dave was confused, scared, and hungry. He patted himself all over. Where was his taco? There it was in his pocket. “Silence! And stop patting yourself. It’s weird. Question one: where is the jawbreaker?”“What jawbreaker?”“You know, it’s blue, rock solid, fits in your hand, about the size of a baseball.”“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Replied a very confused Dave. The voice over the intercom whispered to itself, “Oh, he’s good. Okay, next question, how many fingers am I holding up?” Dave was getting annoyed. “How the heck how am I supposed to know?!”“You’re really good.” Replied the voice over the intercom. “Final question: who are you voting for, McCain or Obama?”“I’m not old enough to vote. Now, do I get to leave?”“You’ve passed the test. Welcome to the team.” As the voice said the last word, Dave fell through a trap door in the floor. “AAAAAAGH-oof!” He hit the ground. Hard. When he woke up, he was in a jeep and dressed in S.W.A.T. gear. Super Walrus Armor Thing. Nonsense. “Now your mission is to stop the pink resistance leader.” The guy driving the jeep was talking about some mission. “You’ll know which one he is.” Dave was rushed out of the jeep with a team of about three other guys. “Let’s move! We have to find that resistance leader. When you find him, beat him senseless with your S.W.A.T. saber.”“Um, all I have is this giant candy cane.” Dave held up his giant treat. “That’s what I’m talking about soldier. Now move out!” The other soldiers ran into three different directions. They all fell into bottomless pits. Losers. Dave was standing alone now. When he looked around he noticed that he was in a meadow. In the middle of that meadow was a large group of pigs. Talking pigs. Weird. However, they seemed to be speaking a language other than English. One stood in the center of them. He seemed to be the focus of attention. “Je suis Napoleon!” Dave understood that. “Wait a minute! Is this supposed to be the French Revolution, except with pigs? I hate the French Revolution! I failed that test!” The pig named Napoleon continued to preach, while the other pigs began shouting, “Vive la revolution!” At that moment, two other pigs approached the group. One looked mean and the other one was super mondo fat, even for a pig. The mean one began to speak. “Hold your Boxers (horses)! I’m the real Napoleon! Seize him!” As he shouted his command, a group of vicious dogs attacked the first Napoleon. They ripped him to shreds. “This is what happens when you cross Comrade Napoleon.” The fat one began to rant on about hard work, a windmill and some guy named Mr. Jones. Then things got really weird. Abraham Lincoln showed up and began to speak, “Four score and seven years ago… I opened up a can of beat down on some communist pigs!” Then he ripped off his shirt to reveal his stupendously awesome muscles. Dave did not understand a thing that was happening. All of a sudden a voice in slow motion said, “Tay-se-ta, th-a, ray-ne-bow!” Skittles started raining from the sky. “Nothing is making any sense.” Said Dave as he scratched his head. It was oddly smooth. He looked at his hands. He was made out of glass. Then a cartoon rabbit appeared with a mallet and said, “Ain’t I a stinker?”“Hey it’s Bugs Bunny!” exclaimed Dave. “Actually, I’m Insectz Bunny, his cousin.” With that he swung his mallet. Dave broke into a million pieces. Crash! He woke up. “Ok, time is up. Put your pencils down. The test over.” His teacher was speaking. Dave looked at his paper. Blank. “By the way, this is the most important test of your life. Oh yeah, no retakes.” Sucks for Dave. Wait, he felt something warm in his pocket. Hey, he still had the taco! Not for long though. “Yoink!” El Loco Hombre had returned and he took his taco back. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Taco's Rule
“Ah, I’ve got a feeling that it’s going to be a wonderful day.” Dave was feeling pretty good about himself as he woke up that morning. He was craving a taco. He headed over to the taco stand.
“I’ll have the El Grande Supreme.” Said Dave.
“Okay, here you go.” The dirty-looking cashier quickly placed a taco on the counter.
“Whoa, that was fast. Here’s your mon-” Dave had barely taken his money out of his wallet when a helicopter appeared, hovering over the taco stand.
“Give yourself up El Loco Hombre!” The voice was coming from the helicopter.
“You will never catch me!” The cashier proceeded to flash some obscene gestures and throw a chair at the helicopter. He jumped over the counter and ran away.
“El Loco Hombre is right.” Thought Dave. The men from the helicopter ran over to him and grabbed him.
“Hey, what are you-” tazed… Sucks. He woke up with a bright light shining in his face. A voice over an intercom began talking to him.
“Answer the questions clearly and quickly, please.”
“Questions? Why?” Dave was confused, scared, and hungry. He patted himself all over. Where was his taco? There it was in his pocket.
“Silence! And stop patting yourself. It’s weird. Question one: where is the jawbreaker?”
“What jawbreaker?”
“You know, it’s blue, rock solid, fits in your hand, about the size of a baseball.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The voice over the intercom whispered to itself,
“Oh, he’s good. Okay, nest question, how many fingers am I holding up?” Dave was getting annoyed.
“How the heck how am I supposed to know?!”
“You’re really good.” Replied the voice over the intercom. “Final question: who are you voting for, McCain or Obama?”
“I’m not old enough to vote. Now, do I get to leave?”
“You’ve passed the test. Welcome to the team.” As the voice said the last word, Dave fell through a trap door in the floor.
“AAAAAAGH-oof!” He hit the ground. Hard. When he woke up, he was in a jeep and dressed in S.W.A.T. gear. Super Walrus Armor Thing. Nonsense.
“Now your mission is to stop the pink resistance leader.” The guy driving the jeep was talking about some mission. “You’ll know which one he is.” Dave was rushed out of the jeep with a team of about three other guys.
“Let’s move! We have to find that resistance leader. When you find him, beat him senseless with your S.W.A.T. saber.”
“Um, all I have is this giant candy cane.” Dave held up his giant treat.
“That’s what I’m talking about soldier. Now move out!” The other soldiers ran into three different directions. They all fell into bottomless pits. Losers. Dave was standing alone now. When he looked around he noticed that he was in a meadow. In the middle of that meadow was a large group of pigs. Talking pigs. Weird. However, they seemed to be speaking a language other than English. One stood in the center of them. He seemed to be the focus of attention.
“Je suis Napoleon!” Dave understood that.
“Wait a minute! Is this supposed to be the French Revolution, except with pigs? I hate the French Revolution! I failed that test!” The pig named Napoleon continued to preach, while the other pigs began shouting,
“Vive la revolution!” At that moment, two other pigs approached the group. One looked mean and the other one was super mondo fat, even for a pig. The mean one began to speak.
“Hold your Boxers (horses)! I’m the real Napoleon! Seize him!” As he shouted his command, a group of vicious dogs attacked the first Napoleon. They ripped him to shreds.
“This is what happens when you cross Comrade Napoleon.” The fat one began to rant on about hard work, a windmill and some guy named Mr. Jones. Then things got really weird. Abraham Lincoln showed up and began to speak, “Four score and seven years ago… I opened up a can of beat down on some communist pigs!” Then he ripped off his shirt to reveal his stupendously awesome muscles. Dave did not understand a thing that was happening. All of a sudden a voice in slow motion said, “Tay-se-ta, th-a, ray-ne-bow!” Skittles started raining from the sky.
“Nothing is making any sense.” Said Dave as he scratched his head. It was oddly smooth. He looked at his hands. He was made out of glass. Then a cartoon rabbit appeared with a mallet and said,
“Ain’t I a stinker?”
“Hey it’s Bugs Bunny!” exclaimed Dave.
“Actually, I’m Insectz Bunny, his cousin.” With that he swung his mallet. Dave broke into a million pieces. Crash! He woke up.
“Ok, time is up. Put your pencils down. The test over.” His teacher was speaking. Dave looked at his paper. Blank. “By the way, this is the most important test of your life. Oh yeah, no retakes.” Sucks for Dave. Wait, he felt something warm in his pocket. Hey, he still had the taco! Not for long though.
“Yoink!” El Loco Hombre had returned and he took his taco back.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“I’ll have the El Grande Supreme.” Said Dave.
“Okay, here you go.” The dirty-looking cashier quickly placed a taco on the counter.
“Whoa, that was fast. Here’s your mon-” Dave had barely taken his money out of his wallet when a helicopter appeared, hovering over the taco stand.
“Give yourself up El Loco Hombre!” The voice was coming from the helicopter.
“You will never catch me!” The cashier proceeded to flash some obscene gestures and throw a chair at the helicopter. He jumped over the counter and ran away.
“El Loco Hombre is right.” Thought Dave. The men from the helicopter ran over to him and grabbed him.
“Hey, what are you-” tazed… Sucks. He woke up with a bright light shining in his face. A voice over an intercom began talking to him.
“Answer the questions clearly and quickly, please.”
“Questions? Why?” Dave was confused, scared, and hungry. He patted himself all over. Where was his taco? There it was in his pocket.
“Silence! And stop patting yourself. It’s weird. Question one: where is the jawbreaker?”
“What jawbreaker?”
“You know, it’s blue, rock solid, fits in your hand, about the size of a baseball.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The voice over the intercom whispered to itself,
“Oh, he’s good. Okay, nest question, how many fingers am I holding up?” Dave was getting annoyed.
“How the heck how am I supposed to know?!”
“You’re really good.” Replied the voice over the intercom. “Final question: who are you voting for, McCain or Obama?”
“I’m not old enough to vote. Now, do I get to leave?”
“You’ve passed the test. Welcome to the team.” As the voice said the last word, Dave fell through a trap door in the floor.
“AAAAAAGH-oof!” He hit the ground. Hard. When he woke up, he was in a jeep and dressed in S.W.A.T. gear. Super Walrus Armor Thing. Nonsense.
“Now your mission is to stop the pink resistance leader.” The guy driving the jeep was talking about some mission. “You’ll know which one he is.” Dave was rushed out of the jeep with a team of about three other guys.
“Let’s move! We have to find that resistance leader. When you find him, beat him senseless with your S.W.A.T. saber.”
“Um, all I have is this giant candy cane.” Dave held up his giant treat.
“That’s what I’m talking about soldier. Now move out!” The other soldiers ran into three different directions. They all fell into bottomless pits. Losers. Dave was standing alone now. When he looked around he noticed that he was in a meadow. In the middle of that meadow was a large group of pigs. Talking pigs. Weird. However, they seemed to be speaking a language other than English. One stood in the center of them. He seemed to be the focus of attention.
“Je suis Napoleon!” Dave understood that.
“Wait a minute! Is this supposed to be the French Revolution, except with pigs? I hate the French Revolution! I failed that test!” The pig named Napoleon continued to preach, while the other pigs began shouting,
“Vive la revolution!” At that moment, two other pigs approached the group. One looked mean and the other one was super mondo fat, even for a pig. The mean one began to speak.
“Hold your Boxers (horses)! I’m the real Napoleon! Seize him!” As he shouted his command, a group of vicious dogs attacked the first Napoleon. They ripped him to shreds.
“This is what happens when you cross Comrade Napoleon.” The fat one began to rant on about hard work, a windmill and some guy named Mr. Jones. Then things got really weird. Abraham Lincoln showed up and began to speak, “Four score and seven years ago… I opened up a can of beat down on some communist pigs!” Then he ripped off his shirt to reveal his stupendously awesome muscles. Dave did not understand a thing that was happening. All of a sudden a voice in slow motion said, “Tay-se-ta, th-a, ray-ne-bow!” Skittles started raining from the sky.
“Nothing is making any sense.” Said Dave as he scratched his head. It was oddly smooth. He looked at his hands. He was made out of glass. Then a cartoon rabbit appeared with a mallet and said,
“Ain’t I a stinker?”
“Hey it’s Bugs Bunny!” exclaimed Dave.
“Actually, I’m Insectz Bunny, his cousin.” With that he swung his mallet. Dave broke into a million pieces. Crash! He woke up.
“Ok, time is up. Put your pencils down. The test over.” His teacher was speaking. Dave looked at his paper. Blank. “By the way, this is the most important test of your life. Oh yeah, no retakes.” Sucks for Dave. Wait, he felt something warm in his pocket. Hey, he still had the taco! Not for long though.
“Yoink!” El Loco Hombre had returned and he took his taco back.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
WA 2
His name was Gloobertron XK5 Mark 23 Max Turbo Ultra Flamergon Blaster Ray Cannon Thing Dude Man Guy Person. He was a cyborg… from the future. And then the pirates came. “Yeeargh, ye salty sea dog!" Tell us the secret or else we’ll make ye walk the plank!” The pirate captain meant business.
“Never! Not in a million years!” Said Gloobertron as he hopped on a motorcycle that appeared in the middle of nowhere. RROOOM! RROOOM! Gloobertron was off.
“Stop him ye scurvy dogs!” Commanded the captain as he pointed to the motorcycle. He was too late. Gloobertron was too far away.
“Ha ha suckas! Can’t ca-” He was so busy gloating that he didn’t see the wall in front of him. Crash! Darkness… Who knows how long he was out? A few minutes. A few hours. A few days. He woke up to a bright light shining in his eyes. It was the sun.
“Do you think he likes marbles?” Whispered a small child to another.
“I dunno. Maybe.” The other child ran up to the recovering Gloobertron. He held out his hand to reveal a smooth and shiny object. It was a marble.
“Wanna play?” he asked.
“Sure.” replied Gloobertron.
“Then tell us,” the child’s voice grew deeper. “The SECRET!” The child grew bigger and bigger until he was the size of a giant. The sky became dark and loud thunder began to boom overhead. The other child, now a giant as well, grabbed Gloobertron and he began to squeeze.
“Tell us the secret and we will spare your life.” His grasp tightened.
“Ok… Look! A clown on a unicycle juggling a bunk bed, a chainsaw, and a giant mango.” They fell for it.
“Where!?” They both squealed in unison as they searched franticly. Then one realized the trick.
“Wait a minute. That’s not a giant mango he’s juggling, it’s a giant apple.” When he looked back in his hand, Gloobertron was gone.
“We’ve been tricked!” They both let out a yell of anger and frustration. They yelled so loud that the ground beneath them broke apart and they fell underground. The remaining rubble buried them in a stony grave. Losers, sucks for them.
Meanwhile, Gloobertron was on the move, anxious to continue his journey to deliver the secret. The journey he was on until those dumb doo-doo head pirates got in his way. Why did everyone want to know this secret so badly? It wasn’t that big of a deal. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he did not notice the hole in front of him. He fell in.
“Crap…” That’s when the giant earthworms appeared.
“Double crap. Not again. I just want to get to the king’s palace so I can deliver this stupid secret message already!”
“The king’s palace?” One earthworm seemed to know where it was. “Why, you’re already there!” As he finished his sentence a light came on to reveal a beautiful throne room with jewel encrusted floors and ceilings. Awesome.
“I am the king.” The largest earthworm wore a majestic crown.
“Oh, ok. Well, Bob says that the sugar-covered clam is in the coconut at 3:50 a.m. He said to give you this, too.” Gloobertron handed the king a brown paper bag with a large grease stain on the bottom. The king opened the bag,
“They forgot the hot sauce. Those jerks.”
“Never! Not in a million years!” Said Gloobertron as he hopped on a motorcycle that appeared in the middle of nowhere. RROOOM! RROOOM! Gloobertron was off.
“Stop him ye scurvy dogs!” Commanded the captain as he pointed to the motorcycle. He was too late. Gloobertron was too far away.
“Ha ha suckas! Can’t ca-” He was so busy gloating that he didn’t see the wall in front of him. Crash! Darkness… Who knows how long he was out? A few minutes. A few hours. A few days. He woke up to a bright light shining in his eyes. It was the sun.
“Do you think he likes marbles?” Whispered a small child to another.
“I dunno. Maybe.” The other child ran up to the recovering Gloobertron. He held out his hand to reveal a smooth and shiny object. It was a marble.
“Wanna play?” he asked.
“Sure.” replied Gloobertron.
“Then tell us,” the child’s voice grew deeper. “The SECRET!” The child grew bigger and bigger until he was the size of a giant. The sky became dark and loud thunder began to boom overhead. The other child, now a giant as well, grabbed Gloobertron and he began to squeeze.
“Tell us the secret and we will spare your life.” His grasp tightened.
“Ok… Look! A clown on a unicycle juggling a bunk bed, a chainsaw, and a giant mango.” They fell for it.
“Where!?” They both squealed in unison as they searched franticly. Then one realized the trick.
“Wait a minute. That’s not a giant mango he’s juggling, it’s a giant apple.” When he looked back in his hand, Gloobertron was gone.
“We’ve been tricked!” They both let out a yell of anger and frustration. They yelled so loud that the ground beneath them broke apart and they fell underground. The remaining rubble buried them in a stony grave. Losers, sucks for them.
Meanwhile, Gloobertron was on the move, anxious to continue his journey to deliver the secret. The journey he was on until those dumb doo-doo head pirates got in his way. Why did everyone want to know this secret so badly? It wasn’t that big of a deal. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he did not notice the hole in front of him. He fell in.
“Crap…” That’s when the giant earthworms appeared.
“Double crap. Not again. I just want to get to the king’s palace so I can deliver this stupid secret message already!”
“The king’s palace?” One earthworm seemed to know where it was. “Why, you’re already there!” As he finished his sentence a light came on to reveal a beautiful throne room with jewel encrusted floors and ceilings. Awesome.
“I am the king.” The largest earthworm wore a majestic crown.
“Oh, ok. Well, Bob says that the sugar-covered clam is in the coconut at 3:50 a.m. He said to give you this, too.” Gloobertron handed the king a brown paper bag with a large grease stain on the bottom. The king opened the bag,
“They forgot the hot sauce. Those jerks.”
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